57 Things
I know, you’re so welcome.
1. I can’t tolerate Starbucks.
2. Which makes sense because coffee disgusts me, but not as much as those pretentious illogical drink sizes.
3. Song lyrics are a religion.
4. As are song meanings.
5. I’m the goodest bad girl you know.
6. I cannot abide inconsistency. Hypocrisy, I can stand. The difference between the two is that hypocrites are generally aware of their hypocrisy, while inconsistent people are dumbly blind to their inconsistency. We’re all one or the other. (If you aren’t sure which category you’re in, this litmus test should clear up any confusion: If you claim vehement aversion to hypocrisy, chances are that you’re inconsistent.)
7. I’m pretty certain that a list such as this is never read all the way through by anyone.
8. To test this theory: I kick puppies. Hard.
9. I try very hard to never put anyone in a box.
10. My sister is my soul mate.
11. This site was born because of my brother’s belief in my ideas.
12. Home Alone 1 & 2 are the zenith of movie-making, and every movie that has followed or will follow will never live up to the greatness that is Home Alone.
13. The sweetest sound is the click of a new email in my inbox.
14. I am terrified of the post office and all of its varied packages, methods, and measurements.
15. They’re called movies, not films.
16. I offend. Often.
17. I can so distinguish a Coke from a Pepsi.
18. Movie theatres are my heart, haven, and hobby.
19. I feel like a grown-up when I hear my bracelets clink against each other.
20. I heart XM.
21. I’m the funniest person my mommy knows.
22. I’ll always wish I hadn’t read Summer Sisters and The Thirteenth Tale, just so I could read that magic for the first time, again.
23. I’m mean to aloof doctors. So mean that one actually paid me $60 right out of his wallet, just to shut me up.
24. He is aware that he got a good deal.
25. Texting is way preferable to calling.
26. I’m blissfully clueless as to the “colors” of my high school or college.
27. Feminism has devolved into a nasty self-pitying cult. Perhaps it was always thus.
28. I’m certain that cataclysm will ensue if I don’t change my car oil promptly every 3,000 miles.
29. Hold the ice.
30. One of these days I’ll progress to a “real” dentist. Til then, the pediatric dentist I’ve gone to since kindergarten will do, as will his lovely primary-colored chairs off of which dangle my adult-sized legs.
31. Space camp is indeed an appropriate honeymoon destination.
32. Unaccounted-for time passage in a movie is sad.
33. I feel put upon when I have to press 1 for English.
34. Human immunology enthralls.
35. “Sundry” is maybe the best word in the English language.
36. “Fester” is maybe the worst.
37. Long lines make me indignant.
38. Dictionaries should not use a variation of a word to define that word. (See “indignant” above: The dictionary would have been believe that it means “a state of indignation.” Who’da thunk it?)
39. I think almost nothing should be outlawed. Except for scary movie previews.
40. I feel like a fraud when I talk about Wi-Fi because I’ve no idea what the “Fi” stands for.
41. I suspect it stands for “fidelity.”
42. The only basis I have for suspecting the above is because of the movie High Fidelity, which I seem to remember is about electronics in some way. I’m very proud for making this connection.
43. The Mona Lisa is not all it’s cracked up to be. That “mysterious smile” is more commonly known as a sneer. Ain’t nothing pretty about that.
44. I heart hyperbole.
45. AOL is where it’s at.
46. I miss the library, yet I probably won’t ever go there again.
47. I’m allergic to process.
48. And red tape.
49. I cook.
50. Pretty well.
51. But never from scratch.
52. What I lack in tact, I make up for in passion.
53. Cold weather is intolerable. As such, I remain skeptical but hopeful with regard to global warming.
54. Disposable cameras are good enough for me.
55. I judge you for using sir and ma’am.
56. I’m curious if anyone actually rinses and repeats.
57. I pretend I don’t understand any Hebrew in order to get the dirt.